The List

The latest topic of conversation at my office has been "who is on your List?" We all know what The List is. It's the famous Friends episode: the five people that you're allowed to cheat with should the opportunity arise. Of course, The List really must comprise of The Unattainable; those with whom your path will likely never cross. But if it should, you are preapproved by your significant other to have an affair with the aforementioned List member.

My List has classically been comprised of two Lists, really. Because I don't want to get caught in the Ross Gellar / Isabella Rossalini trap, I've historically had a list of foreign and domestics. But, for the purposes of the office confab, I've tried to narrow it to one list only. While the list is officially only five people, the originator of this conversation could not narrow it down to five, and therefore, we are allowed seven choices. So here are mine. I'd like to add the disclaimer that this list is an ever evolving ever changing project and I would never go so far as to laminate my List. I would hate to commit to these seven for the rest of my life and then, in three years, a new actor arrives on the scene and bumps one of my List Members off. But I digress:


JEFFREY DEAN MORGAN

Ah, Denny. I fell in love with JDM as Denny Duquette in Grey's Anatomy. Then I realized he was in Supernatural as John Winchester. We watched the episode where Denny died the same week the season premiere of Supernatural aired in which John Winchester dies. I was crushed. Now I've found him in Weeds, where he plays Judah Botwin, a woman's DEAD husband. I'm noticing a theme here, Jeff, and I'm not happy about it.

ANDY GARCIA

I discovered Andy in When a Man Loves a Woman and have loved him ever since. I mean, come ON. Look at him, for heaven's sake! And that whole Cuban thing? Hello, Andy!!

JIM CARREY

I can't help it! He's funny! And laughter goes a long way for me!! He's lanky, he's got horse teeth, and I'd still do it!



ANTONIO BANDERAS

I've discovered during this process that I have a little thing for Latin men. I love Antonio. If you need to know why, just watch Desperado. That love scene! Wow. He's short, but he can sing, he can dance, and he's just plain pretty!

VINCE VAUGHN

Again with the funny. I love him in Clay Pigeons, Mr. and Mrs. Smith, The Wedding Crashers, Swingers, Made...the list goes on and on. But his dramatic stuff is also really awesome. I have to admit that I loved his version of Norman Bates better than Anthony Perkins', and if you REALLY want to see Vince in his prime, the movie that started the love affair: Return to Paradise.

ROBERT DOWNEY, JR.

I've maintained for years that RDJ's problem with drugs would be completely solved if he and I met and substituted sex for drugs. Problem solved!!



GERARD BUTLER

This is the reason I would never laminate my list. King Leonidas had to be added, especially after seeing him in PS I Love You with my friend, Jeffrey.



HONORABLE MENTION

STEVE IRWIN, aka THE CROCODILE HUNTER

Okay, I know he's no longer with us, but still...

Now and always, Steve-o!


So there you have it. And now I propose a new list. A list of those that you would probably add to your List, if you weren't just the slightest bit embarrassed about it. Any takers?